How should soon-to-be moms navigate the formula shortage?

For expecting parents - especially moms trying to decide how they'll feed their new addition - the formula shortage is one more factor adding to the pressure of preparing for motherhood.

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After a long journey, I am - and I still can't believe I'm even typing this - very soon going to be a Mom. Just weeks away from my due date, the nursery is mostly ready, supplies mostly bought, preparations mostly complete.

One benefit of being a little later to parenthood than most of my close friends is that I've got a world of advice at my fingertips. This has been a blessing, even when the advice is contradictory. For example: I have friends who say the Dock-A-Tot is an essential purchase, and others who say theirs was barely used by their baby and became a glorified dog bed. Some friends are adamant that you try to get your baby on a schedule ASAP, others say that's a fools errand and you have to just go with the flow and be flexible.

But being on the verge of motherhood is plenty stressful, even with all the support and advice in the world. Being relatively Type-A and an opinion researcher, it is driving me a little nuts to not be able to make certain plans and decisions ahead of time. As it turns out, I am unfortunately unable to administer a consumer preferences study to my little one in utero. "You should get a few swaddles for your baby." Ah, but there are so many different types! "Well, you'll just have to see what your baby likes." Hmm. (I expect the "consumer preferences study" format post-birth is something along the lines of mapping cries onto a "somewhat/strongly unfavorable" scale.)

Moms and dads alike have offered advice and tales of happiness and sleeplessness. But one topic in particular draws more exasperated responses from my female friends than any other: how to feed one's baby. Most had at least attempted breastfeeding, and most had experienced a lot of stress about it. "Pumping is the worst." "I felt like a constant failure." "So painful, so much gear, and your whole schedule revolves around it."

One friend actually recommended that if I go that route, I record a video to myself now telling my future self "it's OK if breastfeeding doesn't work out" because a few weeks down the road when I'm sleep deprived and feel like I'm losing my mind, maybe it will be helpful to have kind words to myself from the Before Times.

I've wanted to be a mom for so long that I feel a little bad dwelling on all the ways in which I know my life is very shortly going to be upended - in ways both joyful and unpleasant. But of all the things people warn me about - and boy oh boy do people like to try to terrify you about having kids - the "feeding your child" part has me the most worried.

And so, in February when I got nudged by a friend to maybe stock up on a little formula just in case I decide to go that route or need it anyway, I put it on my "to-do" list but didn't consider it urgent. Plus, what type of formula to even buy? Again: no consumer survey capabilities available at this time. Gentle easier-to-digest formulas? Ones with ingredients that claim to be brain-boosting? How do I know what I'm looking for if I don't even have my baby in my arms yet?

I put it out of mind until April, when I started to feel like it was time to begin buying supplies. Around then, I also began to hear rumblings of the formula shortage. It wasn't yet major national news, but was getting covered in a handful of places, like this Bethany Mandel column at Deseret News.

I put in an order to two tubs of a formula that hadn't been affected by the recall, had a lot of good reviews on Buy Buy Baby, and had the word "neuro" in the name. (Brain-boosting! Sure! I am susceptible to marketing!) In the intervening weeks, the formula shortage has become national news and has escalated into a high-profile crisis. Just this week, the White House finally addressed what they plan to do about it, though as CNN's MJ Lee found through her research into the resources being made available to parents, there's still a lot to be desired on that front.

This morning, five weeks after my initial order with nothing shipped yet, I woke up to this lovely email.

Well, so much for that plan.

I'm lucky: my due date is not tomorrow. I don't yet have a very specific nutritional need (at least, that I know about) that needs to be addressed with a very specific formula. While most estimates are six to eight weeks for things to be closer to "normal", that would only put me in a real pinch for the first few weeks of this baby's life. I can't imagine what it would be like to have a baby in arms, right now, who can only be fed with a very specific type of formula. (And contra the views of many ill-informed Guys On The Internet and - curiously -Bette Midler, breastfeeding is not a feature you can just turn on overnight as needed.)

And so, in addition to not knowing what you'll even need, there are also ethical questions facing someone who is due soon but not quite yet. Should I pop over to the store and see what's on the shelf? Hoarding certainly feels wrong, but what if I buy a single can of literally whatever I can find just in case? What if that is the can of formula a weary mom or dad really needs to feed a hungry baby at home right now?

I don't think there are any easy answers right now. One really heartening thing has been seeing the way parents have come together, through networks formal and informal, neighbor-to-neighbor and across the country via the internet, to try to to support each other. Local news outlets across America are featuring stories of parents helping parents, alerting others to shelves that aren't empty whenever they come across them, donating unused supples or swapping for needed specialty brands. (Never underestimate the power of the "little platoons" when other institutions aren't getting the job done.)

But as this formula shortage makes an already stressful moment even more uncertain, I hope parents and soon-to-be parents alike can give each other grace as they try to do the best they can for their children.

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Thanks again for being a reader of Codebook. Are you a parent (or soon-to-be parent) dealing with the formula shortage? Hop to the comments to start the discussion.

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(Cover Image: Huizeng Hu/Getty Images)